Friday, October 1, 2004
Volume 2: 20 Bangable Toons.
Intro:
For all time one question has been asked by all mankind. The question is “Who would you rather screw, Betty or Veronica?” Everyone has their pick and their reasons for their choice. Here is my opinion (since mine is the only one I really give a shit about anyway…) I want Betty and Veronica at the same time. And I can’t believe after all these Archie books this has never been suggested in a single comic. First off, I think it is painfully clear that Archie is a tail gunner. Yes it’s true Archie likes dink drink. He can never decide on one of the chicks and as a result has not graphically fucked either of them. If Archie wasn’t such a pillow biter he would have suggested tapping both these sluts together at the same time long ago. These two coozes are so wet to have Archie’s freckled pickle inside them so bad (for some reason) that I guarantee they would have said yes to the threesome. Too bad he would have invited his queer, crown wearing, hump buddy Jughead to jerk off over the activities though.
Admit it, even if you hate comics, you would have wasted some of your money on the issue where Betty and Veronica go twat on twat. That’s the only reason these stupid little books keep on selling. Acne faced, overweight, fist humping, lonely perverts keep buying them for the faint hope that there might be some beaver bumping. It sure aint for the humor! On a comedic level, these mags are complete shit! Has anyone ever laughed at anything in an Archie comic? If you have then you need to get a fucking clue! Put a gun in your mouth and pull trig cuz you are a loser. If you know anyone who has laughed at an Archie comic then you need to curb stomp him or her. I don’t care how old they are, they need to bite curb. Archie comics are not for laughing at. They are not even for reading. They are for bathroom stroking. That’s all, Stupid. Anyways I got inspired by this thought about the sultry ‘smells like cum’ Veronica and the ‘girl next door but sucks cock like a dirty whore when no ones looking’ Betty. I compiled a list of cartoon and comic characters I would like to impale on my rod. In no particular order:
- Betty and Veronica at the same time. As explained above.
- Pocahontas. Hot little panty-less Indian chick. (Or as I call her ‘Poke-a-hot-ass!)
- Smurfette. She is such a cock tease. I always longed to see her perky blue tits. As a kid I always wanted to see the episode where Handy Smurf jackhammers her from behind.
- Miss Piggy. Ya, I know she is not really a cartoon, she is a puppet. Close enough. It’s my list, my rules. Three reasons I want her: I am a dirty puppet fucker, she could say “fuck me like the pig I am”, and the third reason, I like the feeling of felt on my balls.
- Caillou’s mom. I would love to break up that family. Cuff Caillou upside his stupid bald head I would. Whiney fucking brat. Go die somewhere Caillou and take your useless pussy-ass Dad with you. Leave me and your mom to shame the sheets on your bed.
- Luann from King of the Hill. Reverse cowgirl for her.
- Marge Simpson. She is hot when her hair is wet and down. Remember that episode when Homer screwed her in the barn? I tell you, Marge has the sweetest snatch in Springfield.
- Droopy the Dog. One condition, it would have to be against his will. If he’s willing then no go.
- Sailor Moon. Hot anime super chick. She could bring a friend if she wants.
- Bugs Bunny in Drag. Remember, he used to always dress up like a chick to seduce Elmer Fudd. “What’s up doc?” “My Dick, that’s what!”
- The Dad from Family Circus. Yeah I’ll make that family a circus allright. A circus of spraying semen. Animated cum everywhere! “Fuck me Family Circus Dad!” I would shout as I was about to bust a nut inside his ass. Followed by some delicate felching. Does this make me gay? Or just a sick bastard? Come on he is hot!
- Jessica Rabbit. This one goes without saying! Imagine the sex toys we could find at the porno shops in Toon Town!
- The mom in ‘The Cat in the Hat’ Book. You never see what she looks like, you only see her legs at the end of the book. But what legs they are!
- Cindy Bear. You know, Yogi’s lady friend. Maybe I would tag-team her with Yogi. Smack that bear ass! The Forest Ranger could whack to us if he so pleases.
- The chick with the huge tits on Quads. Too obscure here? Hey she’s got enormous jugs and she digs crippled guys. If that is not hot, then I don’t know what is.
- Judy Jetson. George and Jane’s daughter. I’d use a Spacely Sprocket for a cock ring.
- Milhouse’s Mom. Two reasons. One, she’s hot. And two, it would make Milhouse and his Dad cry and that’s what would make it all worth it.
- Mama Bear from the Berenstein Bears. Another Bear. Another MILF.
- The Asian Chick from Futurama. I don’t even know her name. Don’t matter. I’d do’er. Combo #69 for her.
- Wilma Flintstone. Everyone says Betty Rubble. Forget Betty. Ever since Rosie O’Donnell played her in the movie, Betty is no longer ‘it’. Now I think of her as a bull dyke. Wilma is totally hotter. Look at her! That waist! Wow! I want to find out if her red hair is natural if you know what I mean. See if the ‘carpet matches the drapes.’ Two more reasons to want Wilma: she enjoys a pearl necklace, and she is apparently open to fucking fat guys.
Discuss.
That’s all for now on the Dryhump.
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